Jokes-o-matic^.com

15 - You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile. 14 - Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles. 13 - …

James Bond walks intoa bar and takes a seat next to an attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks down at his watch. The woman next to him asks, "Is your date running late?" "N…

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt. �Damn,� he says. �I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she�s gonna kill me.� �Not to worry,� says the bartender as he sticks …

A biker walks into a yuppie bar and shouts, �All lawyers are assholes!� He looks around, obviously hoping for a challenge. Finally a guy comes up to him, taps him on the shoulder, and says, �T…

Why did the blonde go up on top of the bar? Because the bartender said the drinks were on the house!!

Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!" The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks…

A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says "Call me an ambulance!" The stoner …

This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him." Two guys bet fifty dollars each …

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!" The ventriloquist started apologizing to the re…

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint! The bartender is astounded by this talking flightless bird and asks about his life. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at …