Men And Women jokes → Men vs. Women: Round 1
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for
lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they
will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and
John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the
pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn’t want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: a
toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical
woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t
looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t
change and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There’s no use in two people remembering the
same thing.
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