Whatever jokes → Benefits of Being Female

  • We got off the Titanic first.
  • We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
  • When we buy a vibrator, it’s sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it’s pathetic.
  • Our boyfriends’ clothes look elfin and gorgeous on us — guys look like complete idiots in ours.
  • We can be groupies.
  • Male groupies are stalkers.
  • We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
  • Taxis stop for us.
  • Men die sooner, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
  • We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
  • Free drinks.
  • Free dinners.
  • We can hug our friends without wondering if they think we’re gay.
  • We know the truth about whether size matters.
  • New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
  • Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
  • It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
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  • No fashion faux pas we make could rival the Speedo.
  • We don’t fart to amuse ourselves.
  • If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
  • We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
  • If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
  • We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
  • We have the ability to dress ourselves.
  • We don’t have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
  • We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once a month.
  • We can talk to people of the opposite sex without automatically picturing them naked.
  • If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
  • Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
  • There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.
  • Gay waiters don’t make us uncomfortable.
  • We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
  • We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
  • We’ll never discover we’ve been duped by a Wonderbra.
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