The funniest jokes on the net

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her. Adam:…

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property 2. Amusing town names like ''Flin Flon'' and ''Winnipeg'' 3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto 4. The onl…

A man lying on a stretcher in the emergency room asks the doctor if he'll be okay. The doctor turns to him and says, "Well, there is good and bad news." "Tell me the bad news" says the man. "W…

Two oranges walk into a bar,one says to the other, 'Your round'

All-Purpose Excuse Form, designed to get you out of the trouble you've gotten in. Whenever there's a multiple choice, pick the one that works best for your situation and use it. You'll be surprised ho…

What do you call a hiker who likes to gossip? A walkie-talkie.

Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven. "I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven. But if you think one dirty thought or act out one dirty act your wings …

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

Did you here about the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn't keep control of her pupils.

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman. The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now." Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again. The policeman stops the guy and …

A few days before Jack married Wendy, he had her name tattooed on his penis to show her how much he loved her. When erect, the name was fully visible; when deflated, it read Wy. After the ceremony,…

    There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry.  So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.     The first one goes out and …

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon arrival the doctor said that he had invented a machine that would transfer a portion of the labor pain to the father. He aske…

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game. His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngs…

There was a nintey-year-old lady who was still a virgin. One morning she was awakened by an itching in her crotch, so she went to a doctor. The doctore told her, “Lady, you have crabs.” Since she'…

The Geography of a Woman Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas. Between…

A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have…

m a $200 bicycle for his birthday.  Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mort

1) You try to enter your password on the microwave. 2) You now think of three espressos as ''getting wasted.'' 3) You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years. 4) You have …

What do you call 20 French politicians face down in the Channel? A start.