The funniest jokes on the net

10. The quicker picker upper! 9. One a day, like iron! 8. Get a piece of the rock! 7. You've come a long way, baby! 6. It plumps when you take 'em! 5. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woma…

When I die, bury me deep. Plant some reefer, at my feet. Place some papers, in my hand. I'll roll my way, to the promised land!

How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her to count the stairs on a escalator.

You might be a redneck if rather than drinking the sacramental wine at church you bring your own beer!

Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has …

A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divor…

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't t…

What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a redneck divorce all have in common? Someone's fixin to lose a house trailer...

A little boy is walking along on a nude beach. A man reading a newspaper sees him approaching and decides to show some decency towards the child and lays his newspaper across his lap. The boy walks …

One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!” The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”

Here I sit, all broken hearted. Tried to shit, but only farted. All I want, is but to linger. Look out ass, Here comes my finger.

Q: How does a blonde turn on the air conditioner after sex? A: She turns the ignition key.

I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe; I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts; I can get where I …

What's the difference between pink and purple????? Your grip.

What if Operating Systems Were Airlines? DOS Airlines Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push agai…

Two prostitutes are standing on the corner and one says, ''Tonight's my night -- I can smell cock in the air.'' The other says, ''Oh, sorry. I burped.''

Q: Why do fireflies light up while they are having sex? A: Because they are so turned-on!

Bush and Osama decided to settle the war once and for all. They sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have 5 years to breed the best fighting dog in the world…

There was a man who had a 25 inch penis, so he decided to see a witch to have it reduced. Once with the witch he said, ''I need your help. My penis is so big it's hard for me to find women who can ac…

Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out …