The funniest jokes on the net

What's the difference between a microwave and a woman? A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.

Learn from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control.

Once there was this man whose car broke down. He realized after looking for help for 10 minutes that there was a small farmhouse with an old lady sitting on the porch. He told her his unfortunate st…

Yo mama is so bald that when she takes a shower she gets brainwashed!

One day, a man walked into an appliance store. "Do you sell color televisions?" "Yes," said the clerk. "Yes, we do." "Then give me a green one."

There once was a girl named Suzy Brown Said no one could lay her down. Over the hill came Piss Paul Pete, With forty pounds of swinging meat. He took her in the long tall grass, Shoved …

I haven't spoken to my wife in nearly 18 months — I don't want to interrupt her!

A young man is at a bus stop in New York. He sees an extremely beautiful blonde in a tight mini-skirt, and decides to get on the bus directly behind her. As the bus pulls up, she begins to board th…

Yo' mama so country, she thought an elevator was a mobile home!

1. Your dog rides in your truck more than your wife. 2. You wear specific hats to farm sales, livestock auctions, customer appreciation suppers, and vacations. 3. You have ever had to wash off in th…

What's the difference between a bonus and a penis? Your wife will always blow your bonus.

What did the nut say to the bolt? Screw me!

What would a female president's husband be called? Bill Clinton.

A dwarf and a normal woman met at a party. The dwarf was attracted to the woman and asked her if she wanted to have sex, so he took her to his apartment. The woman enjoyed the sex a lot: ''Ooooh, th…

This guy decides to have a costume party. He invites all of his friends and neighbors and tells them that they must come to his party in a costume that represents an emotion. So the big day comes, an…

How do you make a woman's brain the size of a pea? Inflate it.

Dave walks into a bar and sees John sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Dave says, "John what are you so happy for?" "Well Dave, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I w…

Yo mama's so dumb, she got fired from a blowjob!

It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wif…

So this new bar opens and the owner can't think of a name. So he decides to name the bar after the 3rd person who walks in. It takes dosen't take long and soon the 3rd customer walks in. Th…