The funniest jokes on the net

A young single guy on a cruise ship is having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and sinks, but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood an…

Knock, knock! Who's there? Madame. Madame who? Madame foot will be up your ass, if you don't open this door!

Saturday 1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings. 2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper. 3:00 A.M. Leave for deep w…

This is actually a true story that happened to one of our readers here at Jokes.com, but it's as funny as any joke we've heard: One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local Pharmacy an…

Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again?

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can pla…

There's a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head. The voice says, ''Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.'' He ignores the voice. Late…

A Syrian guy walked into a cafe. He sees a Lebanese guy eating croissants and jam. Syrian Guy: "Do Lebanese people eat the insides of the croissants?" Lebanese Guy: "Of course. Why? What's wrong…

Redneck Bar Bell If you have to use concrete in the ends of a 2" P V C pipe as weights you might be a Redneck

A fat man is dancing at a disco, and he is approached by a beautiful woman. "What on earth do you think you are doing?", says the woman. The obese man replies, "Shaking my groove thang." The woman …

Two cowboys walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind the…

What did the dad say when his son said, ''Dad I'm tired of walking in circles? ''Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomato…

Q: What do a woman and a tornado have in common? A: They scream when they come and take everything when they leave.

Little Tommy runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bush and asks, "What's that Mommy?" A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. T…

How do you know your bartender doesn't like you any more? There is a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!

What did the Bathtub say to the Toilet Bowl? I may not get as much ass as you do, but I don''t take no sh*t.

Q: What do you call a blonde doing a handstand? A: A brunette with bad breath.

How does President Bush spell Welfare? F-A-R-E-W-E-L-L

There are three men in the bathroom, two Englishmen and an Australian. All are at the urinals. The first Englishman zips up and walks over to the sink and uses a lot of soap and water and before he…