The funniest jokes on the net

The Retirement Home A son takes his father to the retirement home.Grandpa doesn't want to go, but the family insis … s mind. Now he LIKES the retirement home. The next night Grandpa is heading for bed when h … m he no longer likes the retirement h

so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forard to in these retirement years?" "A penis," replied Madame deGaulle. A huge h

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing…

d Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertis

Traditional Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. American Capitalism: You have two cow…

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to the room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy…

decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience.

10) My fellow Americans, I have been lying to you all this time. These two beautiful twin daughters I have? They're clones. Mwa-ha-ha-ha! 9) My fellow Americans, I have to admit to something. I accid…

Two retired professors were vacationing with their wives at a hotel in the Catskills. They were sitting on the veranda one summer evening, watching the sun set. The history professor asked the psycho…

A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked, "Do you have any military experience?" The Marine replied, "Why, y…

Three couples went to see a minister to find out how to become members of his church. The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged, and the third couple had just gotten married. Th…

A man at a retirement home was walking around with his zipper down holding h

e first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went. …

Three couples went in to see the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went…

three days before their retirement. 9) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs pre

This Koala bear hires a hooker on the streets of Sydney, and they both retire to a hotel room. The Koala, as it turns out, is only into oral sex, and after about an hour or two of giving the hooker he…

A retired gentleman went to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line for quite a long time he arrived at the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his identification to verify hi…

There was once a stockbroker who had made a ton of money off the stock market and decided to retire to a ranch in Montana. One day he was out in his front yard planting some flowers when he sees …

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt…